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Podcast Film Reviews

Girl on the Third Floor, 2019 – ★★★

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IMDB is being harsh to this film giving it a 4/10. I really liked it! I gave it a 6/10. I thought the house was creepy, the story was just so so but it worked for me, keeping me repelled and attracted in equal measure.

You can listen to my full podcast review at RileyOnFilm.com and watch my review on Youtube

Below is an unedited word for word transcript of an audio recording. It is included just for meta purposes. There are no corrections or punctuation additions.

Okay, this film is called the girl on the third floor and I really liked this movie it didn’t do very well with the critics on Internet Movie Database it’s sitting on a 4 out of 10 but I really liked it and I think they’re being a little bit too classic story is you have Don Koch who was played by C Punk who is somebody I wasn’t familiar with but apparently he’s an MMA award-winning medal winning fighter I don’t really follow that sport so I don’t know him but as I was watching it I could tell that he was probably established in something else before he became an actor because his body was covered with tattoos but he’s trying to renovate a rundown mansion with a sordid history for his growing family only to learn that the house has other directors is Travis Stevens and he’s known mostly as a producer he was the producer of Buster’s mal Hart which I haven’t seen but it appears to be a horror movie so I think I need to see that especially since I like this film that Travis Stephens directed but Travis Stephens is mostly a producer let me read some of these credits maybe you’ve heard of them mohawk that was an awesome horror movie Busters mal Hart I just mentioned 68 kill xxxx 24 by 36 a movie about movie posters that sounds fine we are still here that’s a horror movie starry eyes I really like that horror movie as well so he’s done a lot of stuff cheap thrills was an amazing kind of horror suspense gore big ass spider the Thompsons the aggression scale what fun we were having zombie diaries – so he’s done let’s look at a few of the cast I’ve already mentioned CM Punk let me just leap read his little blip because I think he’s quite interesting how he came from MMA to actually be in a horror movie Philip Jack Brooks better known by the ring name CM Punk is an American mixed martial artist comic book writer and former professional wrestler he’s best known for his time in WWE where he’s recognized as the sixth longest reigning WWE Champion of all time Punk began his professional wrestling career on the American independent circuit and it goes on and on it lists a lot of accolades he did a good job and I enjoy take a look at the plot first a deeply flawed ex lawyer named Don Koch seeking a new start in life purchases a rundown old house in the suburbs of Chicago with the intent of fixing it up to provide himself and his pregnant wife Liz a new life away from the city he moves into the home ahead of her along with his dog Cooper determined to begin renovating without professional help he learns through his neighbors that the house has a sordid past and begins experimenting supernatural events within the home and it is kind of creepy because there’s this one very attractive actress who keeps coming up to talk to him while he’s working on things seemingly flirting with him but you don’t really get that for a while but when she starts full-on just asking to sleep with him he can’t resist so this is actually a major flaw in this character because he keeps communicating back with his wife who is pregnant about nine months pregnant and he’s insisting upon doing the work there all by himself so you think he’s kind of the man with all the tattoos and everything which is when I knew he probably wasn’t just a regular actor but maybe a crossover person somebody like Henry Rollins because actors don’t generally tattoo their whole body well sure enough I was correct and it’s a sea Punk who we’ve talked about who was a WWE nearly every detail at dawn attempts to change within the house appears to be haunted and bleeds when touched the house leaks oily fluid from every pipe marbles appear randomly as a signal for the supernatural and the bedroom ceiling collapses revealing a viewing platform in the Attic and a room covered with child’s paintings Don’s neighbor Ellie a pastor at the nearby Church warns him to leave but he persists she doesn’t give him any details though that’s a little odd I think we were wanting a little detail there when she paid him a visit she doesn’t do it she also drinks bourbon which is a little odd for a pastor his second neighbor Sarah begins coming over and flirts with him until dawn gives in and cheats on his wife yes he does you knew that was coming but he insists it will not happen again unfortunately the girl that he cheated with is not really a girl at all she’s kind of a ghost or a zombie or something in the supernatural realm so he’s really got himself in it this time showing the renovating difficulties to Liz over the phone she insists that dawn enlist help Don invites his friend Milo a fellow lawyer to help with the renovation Sarah shows up again and Milo sees dawn threatening her Milo discovers Dawn’s affair but before he can tell Liz he’s strangely Encounter Sarah in the basement she hits him in the face with a hammer and as Milo tries to escape he sees another woman a grotesque combination of mangled human face and teeth crudely stitched together named the nymph in the credits and this very creepy I’ll call it a creature but it’s actually a beautiful woman’s body with this creature face and the teeth sticking out it’s just so nasty and gross and actually pretty well done for a horror film because that’s the kind of stuff you want right well as he’s cheating on his wife this horrifying face with the teeth and everything in the grotesquerie all the yucky stuff it just keeps showing up on the face of the woman who is writing him and having sex with him when Liz thinks she sees another person in the cameras background Don changes the locks and installed security cameras Ellie drops by again to check on Don with another veiled warning about the houses history that night Sara lures Cooper downstairs and Don wakes up the next morning to find his poor dog stuffed dead in the dryer calling the police does not help since there’s no evidence against Sara furious Don kills Sarah to conceal his affair and hides the body behind brick in the basement he then drills the walls and inserts a camera inside trying to find the source of leaking blood to his horror he finds a head with blonde hair which giggles and disappears stuff like that works it is a little bit centered on seapunk as the star but every scene is very creepy very dark this house is like an old mansion it actually apparently was an old whorehouse hundreds of years before but it’s a very cool house with a lot of velvety walls and things like that so it’s very creepy as you’re going through the story so from there you see a lot of stuff happened and you don’t see much development of seapunk you don’t see much development of anybody it’s just a standard haunted house with a lot of sex thrown in and some violence as well and so I think that’s probably why it didn’t score as well but I didn’t look at that stuff as much as I did the creepiness of it and I really like creepy horror movies so this one definitely made the grade four creepy with me I think it’s probably one of the worst endings you could have given it but I’ll go ahead and discuss it even though I’m not focusing on what I didn’t like because there’s a lot here not to like that’s why I got low scores but if you just want a creepy film that takes you on a journey and kind of a mystery then this is this is a good film and if you’ve already seen it then leave me a comment and just tell me what you thought of it maybe I’m off-base maybe you think different go ahead and leave me a comment in the end the ending that is so wonderful not six months later Liz having given birth to her daughter is still living in the house when she lays the baby down for a nap Dawn’s smiling face appears in the ventilation shaft he drops marbles into his daughter’s crib and whispers that’s my girl really kind of a dumb ending but I like it how they incorporated the marbles although they never really explained the marbles what marbles have to do with an old hundred-year whorehouse I don’t know but the marbles play into it a lot and they get under his skin and they like go all around his body and he has to cut them all out it’s pretty gross pretty bloody but again not very realistic because if you’re gonna cut stuff out of your jugular vein you’re gonna die and he actually doesn’t die so I will mention these three female actors that really did a good job Sara Brooks was played Sara Yates the same name Alissa Dowling played Sadie and Karen would itch played Ellie Mueller and I thought that those three did a really good job they’re very well cast they worked well with seapunk although seapunk didn’t really interact with too many people in this film he’s mostly just working on the house before he sort of disappears from sight so I gave this film a 6 out of 10 which is a lot better than the four out of 10 the Internet Movie Database currently gives it I think it’s worth watching.

By Damien Riley

Professor/Tutor/Dad/Husband/Son. rileyonfilm.com. My favorite horror movie is probably going to be a toss up between Tusk and Insidious. Atmospheric Horror is my favorite subgenre. I also post news articles on politics and the occasional blog post on things other than horror movies.

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